I hate to say this but I will anyway…. it seems like I paid dearly for that good day on Thanksgiving…lol… I was still very worn out and then the rain set in and I didn’t think it was ever going to stop! But what’s new huh? This is the way life goes when you have a chronic illness like Fibromyalgia. Only now with the rush of the holidays here it seems much worse. I thought I had it all worked out at least in my own mind. No I’m not going to put up any Christmas “stuff” when it is such a major pain and my kids are grown pretty much…… my youngest will be heading to basics at Fort Jackson SC in Jan…..and I’ll be doing Christmas dinner the same way we did Thanksgiving. I’m not doing the all out gift giving and shopping…… not that I could go out in that mess anyway….but not even doing that much online….. money is just too tight right now. I wasn’t even feeling bad about this…… until talking with a few not too close “friends” who stop by to “check in on me” to see how I’m doing and if I need anything and before ya know it I was starting to rethink or defend my stand. I keep telling myself not to listen to people who don’t understand what it is like to live my life. Comments like …. “It must be nice to sit back and have everyone else handle everything for you and not cook for your family anymore.” { Thanksgiving dinner was bought at Piccadilly Restaurant… turkey and all the trimmings and not expensive!} ”Wow that must be very expensive. I don’t know how you can afford something like that or is someone else taking care of that for your too?” Followed by a nice smile. “Don’t you feel bad about not making your house more of a welcoming festive holiday home for your family?” Oh and a real good one that has a way of getting to me is “You know honey when I am feeling my worst is when I know I MUST make myself get up and try even harder and then I know I’ll be showing just how much I care about everyone more than myself and that’s important. A good mom never puts herself and her own wants and needs over her families!” and the “Come on and just try harder…. you just have to push yourself and you will then be proud of yourself.” At that point I just start to hope and pray one of them doesn’t get started on “Oh, have you tried that new drug? They say it will cure you or at least make it so you can do everything like new again. Isn’t that great? Have you started taking it yet…. you need to call your doctor and tell him about it…. It’s on the TV all the time.” …… Lord knows if I could get a good enough grip with my hands and could move fast enough I would strangle them!……sick slightly evil giggles…..yes I think I could see that picture….oh yeah…Oh sorry…lol…my fibro fog makes it very easy to wonder down some dark roads……. grin…..Needless to say I was feeling pretty good and after this took a nose dive into a dark and depressed mood…. I would have thought by now these people would have had a better understanding of my health but no seems not….. will they ever? Who knows what is then being said about me. Slowly I start talking to myself….. and yes this is a GOOD thing…lol…since what I am saying is those people are wrong and I’m doing the best I can and the people who really count aren’t complaining….. and my mood lefts and now I have started playing Christmas music and look around and see not one thing Christmas like….. and start to rethink not putting up Christmas stuff….. but darn it I hurt! So I asked my youngest about it and he said why not just put a few things over the fire-place {it is right across from my bed!} and a string of lights over my patio doors that are next to my bed? Not too hard and since it’s mostly just me and Christmas dinner will be on and around my bed like at Thanksgiving that should be just right. OK that will work and now to just keep thinking the right way. The holidays can be a very stressful time filled with highs and lows and it can be so easy to fall into that trap of feeling pressured by everyone else that is stressing out and they want you to stress out too and if not then you are lazy or weak and aren’t a good person. I hope I can keep my head up and not down ……. and when those “friends” stop by that what to start down that road I can tune them out ….. even if it is only by putting my fingers in my ears and saying “nanananananana…..I can’t hear you….nanananana”…. of course doing this in my head and not out loud…… well not unless they get really rude….. then maybe I will try it out loud!….lol…..if ya need a good laugh during the holidays just stop and picture doing that out loud…… giggle…. and peace be with you until our paths cross again…… Lila
PLEASE NOTE IF YOU ARE READING THIS POST AND YOU ARE NOT ON THE WEB SITE “LILA LOST IN THE FIBRO FOG…..” THEN WHAT YOU ARE READING HAS BEEN STOLEN AND IS BEING USED WITHOUT MY AUTHORITY AND I HOPE YOU WILL COME TO MY WEB SITE BLOG AT WORDPRESS http://www.lilabyrdakabirdladybyday.wordpress.com
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