I never really was much of a girly girl. I kind of wish I was a little more so, I’m trying to learn.
I don’t know…I guess I am but I’m not. See, I used enjoy some girly girl type stuff but then my Fibromyalgia hit me full force at the age of 15. So things that I was into like make up, hair, clothes, slowly lost their fun. It took too much time, energy and discomfort. It’s hard to do make up when you just plain feel like shit (though I did/do it sometimes because sometimes it does help me feel better. Just the motivation to do it, is where I get stuck sometimes), or your hands are acting like you have mittens on (“I was …uh…going for something creative…that’s why my eye make-up is like that.” or “Don’t ask why I have the eye patch, ok!?”) Hair has always been impossible for me. I really can’t use a blow dyer much. A) it gets too heavy after a while, B) the vibration doesn’t help that and it does something wacky to jar my forearm muscles, C) do you ever realize how much you contort to dry and brush your hair? (That’s why I quit gymnastics at 15, no more contortion!) Clothes…*sigh*well, part of the Fibro Fun is having a lot of sensory integration issues on top of needing to take care about pressure/weight on muscles and joints.
So, anyway…I’m feeling pretty good (in comparison to years past) these days! I’m sort of trying to learn a lot of the stuff I quit learning about way back when. I’m getting back into some other interests of mine too, like technology. I can get really sucked into things that interest me and just go into a black hole of abyss and never come out so, I had a lot of my interests on ban. For awhile I was really sucked into YouTube and well…I think it might happen again. I have rediscovered it!
How did anyone ever get by before YouTube? I’ve forgotten! I think now I like it because I can learn all this girly shit and not have to actually spend time with the girly girls. If it gets to sparkles, ponies, and “OMG! LOL!” there is the fast forward button and mute. GENIUS!
I have slowly, via the internet, learned how cut my hair. I’m not terrific at it but it works for me, meaning I like the outcome a whole hell of a lot more than what stylists have ever done with it. I cut me some bangs today (I messed up the one side a little but meh), I have been trying for years to get someone to cut them like this. Don’t understand how so much gets lost in communication when someone else cuts it. So, I’m happy and I learned some more girly shit. And yes, I used the damn blow dryer! I’m slowly learning how to do that so I don’t end up wanting to gnaw my arm off or losing all sensation.
I just wish I could actually dress nice. I realize lately part of my unhappiness is because I like to dress nice but I can’t really. I miss being in school because then I had the time and I had the “excuse” to do it. Now, I’m about to run off to work and I have the usual “if it gets paint, glue, or glitter on it…I don’t care” look going. I love working with kids but having to watch what I wear is not much fun.
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