wanda would cane smack your ass for this...

Here we are, less than a week away from Thanksgiving…and what do I have to be thankful for???

I guess the answers are: my mom, Pedro and my fuzzy family of 5 (3 cats, 2 small dogs.)

What about the rest of my family?? Like my “father” Michael Sawczuk and “uncle” Dan Sawczuk…they hate me because of some unknown reason. I guess my “dad” hates that I was depressed all the time…so he decided it was in his best interest to do away with me making me more depressed than ever. Then he must of told the rest of the family some sort of exaggerated stoner version of the actual truth.

You don’t love me anymore. You hated to be around me. You & Sue Tessler thought it was was a good idea to call the cops on your daughter on Christmas 5 years ago, because I wouldn’t leave until you told me you would be my dad again. You felt all that was something appropriate to tell and do to your daughter who has battled an auto-immune system disorder and mental illness ever since I was 12?? What kind of sick, evil fuck are you??? I bet it takes at least 4 Old Styles now to numb that kind of guilt.

MICHAEL SAWCZUK, I WAS SICK…I AM SICK…I NEEDED YOU…I NEED YOU…AND WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU???

So now I’m sicker. The luck I have. I’m seeing an Otolaryngologist/ Oncologist now. I’m more scared than I’ve been in a long time. Biopsy is scheduled for early next week. I hope it’s not…as Grandma used to say, “the big C.” But it’s something. It’s at least 5 somethings, in my neck that are not supposed to be there. I’ve been so tired, and so sick…but assumed it was my Fibromyalgia. I myself am blown away that I have to deal with more doctors, hospitals, tests, needles, machines, appointments, medications….it’s so overwhelming, that I have moments where I almost hope life is finally done with me.

So, I will have another test this week, and one next week…and there will be nobody to call and wish me good luck, or ask me how things went. I’m not worth it. I wish I knew why.

I’m very, very scared and feel so all alone!!! I thought family was supposed to love you the most during these hard times. Not mine.

It’s just me and my wonderful, amazing mom. And I can’t even begin to explain how much it breaks my heart that she has to deal with my sick, sad ass all on her own. It’s not fair to her or us. None of this is fair!!

:::I’m soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo SAD, HURT & ANGRY!!!:::