Today is World Suicide Awareness Day. Now I don’t know about you, but I’ve generally found that the topic of suicide is one that is danced around, and talked about more in hushed voices than normal ones. But it’s the topic of my post today. And here’s why:
The leading cause of death from fibromyalgia is suicide.This is not because fibromyalgia patients are depressed (even though chronic pain does frequently cause depression), but because their symptoms are inadequately managed. The pain is so bad and so constant that death is preferable.
NOW, while I have never really considered suicide myself, I do have a confession to make. A few days ago I was in a lot of pain and had been lying awake for hours. I had gone to bed at eleven thirty and was still awake at four in the morning. I seriously considered getting up to take more painkillers. “If two make me drowsy, how many will it take for me to fall asleep?” Please don’t lecture me; I know how dangerous that is, and what a slippery slope it can be. Immediately after that thought, I stopped myself firmly. I don’t want to start abusing painkillers, or using them to escape my problems. I don’t want to be the victim of an accidental overdose, or even make some mental connection that taking painkillers to fall asleep is an acceptable thing.
It may also be said here, though, that I come from a family history of depression. My grandmother attempted suicide, and, when I was around three or four, my mother seriously began considering and planning a suicide attempt. I don’t know what I would have done without these two wonderful women. I am constantly amazed by their strength, to keep living even when they felt so strongly that they didn’t want to.
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